The title of this post says it all, but I’ll extrapolate for those interested in the specifics of the suck.

It’s true that radiation is easier than chemo in almost every way. The appointments are easier – they’re shorter, painless, and don’t involve torture devices like cold caps, booties or mittens. The immediate side effects are easier too – skin redness, soreness at the radiation sites and fatigue, but no nausea or nausea-mitigating drugs.

Sounds like it should be a walk in the park, but like all things cancer related, it sucks. First, treatments are M-F, so there is very little recovery time between them. My skin is a very pissed-off shade of pink because of it. While the treatments may be painless, the appointments are annoying. Like, get into a paper-thin hospital gown in a cold room, lay uncovered from the waist up while they beam you with radiation for 20 minutes, annoying. Spend an hour of your life doing this thing you don’t want to do every damn weekday, annoying. I honestly spent the first week just pissed off about the whole thing. I took chemo in stride because it made sense to me – yes, kill my microscopic cancer cells with toxins. I will recover! But I’ve had a harder time mentally with radiation. We don’t even know if I still have cancer, and there’s no way to know, so this seems like we’re radiating healthy tissue “just in case” and doesn’t feel great to me.

Then there is the fatigue. That’s the real kicker for me. I felt like such a badass coming out of chemo – I did it and worked out and took care of my kids and, and, and. Conversely, radiation has been a big “or” instead. I only have enough energy for one thing today so I can workout or do the laundry or cook dinner or go grocery shopping. My current level of fatigue lies somewhere between chemo and caring for a newborn baby. It’s worth mentioning that we did just get a puppy, but I’m already so tired that I don’t think it’s moving the needle in a meaningful way. If anything, his puppy cuddles are giving me life.