Apologies for the hiatus guys – I’m ok. I honestly thought it had only been a couple of weeks since my last entry, but according to the calendar, it’s been an entire MONTH. Chemo time reminds me of postpartum time – it simultaneously takes for fucking ever, but slips through your fingers and before you know it, its gone.

Our last couple of weeks in Montana after my 3rd Chemo session were awesome. While I spent the first few days after treatment getting my nausea under control and napping, I felt great the rest of the time. I was able to walk the tightrope between nausea and anti-nausea meds way better than last time. I continued doing pilates twice a week and even tried mountain biking for the first time, which was terrifying and exhilarating and I absolutely want to do it again.

The day after landing back in Seattle, I had my 4th and final chemo session of AC. One of my closest friends from college, Kate, came to Seattle from NJ to accompany me to my treatment on the 25th, which was a godsend because it would turn out to be my hardest chemo session yet. I was dreading it well before I came anywhere near the hospital, which probably didn’t help matters. I now have this incredibly helpful Pavlovian response of getting nauseated anytime I even think about a chemo session. The cold cap, the cold hands and feet booties, the metallic taste in my mouth – I dread all of it. While the dread ahead of these sessions wasn’t new, historically I’d been able to power through without issue. This time though, about halfway through the infusion, I started feeling incredibly nauseous, which shouldn’t happen because they give me nausea drugs intravenously before chemo starts. I was so nauseous I took my meds in the middle of the transfusion, but nothing helped. It wasn’t until we were on the highway, Shake Shack in lap, eating salty fries with fresh air pelting my face that I started feeling better. Huge thank you to Kate for distracting me during the worst of it with a reverse coloring book (super cool guys, look it up!) and for driving home.

They say the effects of chemo are cumulative (I’ve been told I’ll probably feel the worst 6 weeks after my last chemo session, which is wild to me), and I’m certainly starting to feel it. I usually bounce back from nausea and exhaustion 4-5 days after a chemo session and the week after is gravy. Not this time – I was nauseous and exhausted for a full 7 days after chemo, which was unfortunate timing because my almost 4 year old was also home that week. Shoutout to Disney+ for providing much of the entertainment for us both that week.

Luckily I started feeling better around the 1st of the month, just in time for my brother and his family to visit from Spokane for a week. We had a fantastic time and it was so amazing to see them, but I slept for 11 hours the day after they left. Even though I felt good most days, I tire a lot more easily lately and I need to be conscious of that. I’ve found a pilates studio here at home and have been keeping up with it, but I need to build more naps into my schedule to make sure I don’t overdo it. I found it super easy to nap in Montana because I wasn’t home, so there was less to do. Now that I’m home, I find myself building and knocking out to do lists, which might give me a much needed sense of accomplishment, but will also most likely result in me feeling burnt out. Turns out, I still suck at chilling out.